Chuck Norris Facts

What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
The adjective "perfect" originated when Chuck Norris gave his penis a nickname.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
The Bermuda Triangle is a myth. That's just were Chuck Norris practices his round house kicks.
The Titanic didn't sink by hitting an iceberg, it really hit Chuck Norris' chin as he was making his usual laps around the North Atlantic.
When Chuck Norris talks to a Russian He doesn't speak Russian. The Russian, speaks Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage

Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.
Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris.
"Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made of real cowboys
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate 4 turtles whole. When he crapped them out, they all knew karate, and they are now known as The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris once had sex in a trailer and a little bit of sperm got in the gas tank, we now know this trailer as Optimus Prime
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Texas does not have a police force. They have Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.
Chuck Norris' penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours.
Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman lives.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
You are what you eat. Chuck Norris eats steel.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
There is no chin under Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles" contest. Chuck Norris won... by five.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Jesus turned water into wine, Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
If you have 10 dollars and Chuck Norris has 10 dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can beat the Sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris' funny bone has never made him laugh, but it has been used to kill

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Noris can piss his name into concrete.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
There's no use crying over spilled milk. Unless it's Chuck Norris' milk.
On the evolutionary chart Chuck Norris looks the same for last 50 million years because he was perfect from day one.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his uzi.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris code has no error handling. Chuck Norris code has no errors.
An infinite loop in a Chuck Norris program takes 2,1 seconds to finish.
If a Chuck Norris program requires more memory it simply kills all other processes with a roundhouse kick.
In UNIX you have SIGQUIT, SIGKILL and SIGCHUCKNORRIS.
A Chuck Norris program can write on a DVD-R.
The C in "C language" means Chuck.
The N in NUnit means Norris.
Chuck Norris uses windows 64 bit on 32 bit machine.
It was Chuck Norris that bit the apple in the Apple logo.
Chuck Norris debugs binary code using a pencil and a sheet of paper.
In Chuck Norris world there are no deadlocks. Only dead people.
Chuck Norris can send a roundhouse kick by email.
The only thing worse than a BSOD is a CNSOD, a Chuck Norris Screen of Death.

joi, 29 septembrie 2011